Enkele absurde teksten die ik in de loop van de jaren heb geschreven. Enjoy...
DEUTERONOMY
Quite an awful lot of time ago
I was walking in Memphis
And all of a sudden I asked myself:
“What if the sky would fall
Right in front of me
It would be quite an absurd spectacle”
So I hopped on a roof and took a better look at the windowpane
As happens so often, I couldn’t figure it out
It took me seven cigarettes to even start writing this bloody book
Anyway, I smelled something funny and wondered what it was
I looked down and my feet were melting
But that wasn’t what slightly disturbed me
It was the fact that there was no watch hanging in the sky
Telling me what time it was
And I yelled to God:
“Goddammit, Lord, what time is it?”
And the good Lord answered:
“It is time to drive to Sodom
And burn the damn city to the ground!”
And so there I was
Witnessing the perfect marriage of urge and temperance
It was not only rock’n’roll that convinced me to blow his brains out
There was also a slight mention of Mr Isaac Wilkes
But he was nowhere to be found though
So what was there left to do except gazing up at the sun
And screaming at the top of my voice
For one last time:
“My dear Lord!”
And the Lord answered:
“What is it, you silly man?”
And I answered his question
Because, well, it’s God, you know
When God asks you a question, you answer
Not like it’s a rule or anything, but well
That’s how it’s done in Memphis
City of Disturbance and Mismatch
And I gave the Lord the finger
And whispered:
“You ain’t nothing but a hound dog”
And that was when all ended
All went black and murky
And that was when I knew the one and only truth
That, whatever you do, you should never trust a philatelist
OH CARL
Carl, when you reached out to the dark sky
On a hot evening in July
The madness of it
Think of it, Carl
The utter madness of someone stretching out his arms
To the vast void above him
What is there but emptiness?
You’ve always been a dreamer, Carl
You’ve always wanted to aim for the unattainable
And yet, in some way or another, reach it
The end always justified the means to you, Carl
But I still don’t know what meaning to give to your end
It happened so suddenly, Carl
It happened and that was that
What were you thinking the moment that car ran you over?
Or did you only feel?
And what was it you felt?
Pain?
I bet it was pain, Carl
I bet it was pain taking hold of your goddamn body and soul
Pain invading your feet and fingers
Pain everywhere, Carl
It was pain
But only for a few seconds, wasn’t it?
Only for a few seconds, if that
You didn’t realise it to the fullest, did you, Carl?
You didn’t, because the moment you only started realising what the bloody fuck was happening to you, Carl, you died
You died
That must have been the last thing you did, Carl
Dying
People took you away in a fucking ambulance
But it was too late, Carl
It was too late
People tried to reanimate you, Carl
Didn’t they notice the madness of that?
The madness of trying to save the life of a madman
I think I need to lie down for a moment
People dug your grave, Carl
People dug it and put you in it, and that’s were you are now
Six feet under my sweaty, somewhat smelly feet
Rest in peace, you madman!
And say hello to the angels, or to the devils, or to the maggots, or whoever your company is
I hope you won’t bore them to death with your stamp collection, Carl
I hope you won’t, but I still buried you with it, you know
I still buried you with it, because I didn’t want anyone to lay eyes on them stamps ever again
Call me a sentimentalist, Carl
Call me a motherfucker, I don’t care
The main thing is that you’re dead now
And I’m very sad
I’m very sad because I wanted to drive you to that restaurant, Carl
On Friday nights there’s a waitress all dressed in red
Her boss has given up complaining about it
He used to say that in this restaurant, Lucy, in this restaurant, waitresses wear white blouses
But you know how Maggie is, Carl
No, you don’t
I’m hungry, Carl!
I’m hungry and yet I haven’t got a sandwich with me
Do they serve spaghetti in the pub near the graveyard?
I guess they do
Oh, I’m such a madman, Carl
I’m a madman, because I’m here with you
I could urinate on your grave, brother
I could do that, but I won’t
I’m going now
You know
Check whether my clothes are dry
I’m yearning for the day, Carl!
Daylight doesn’t remind me of death
It’s something we both share, Carl
It’s something you and I have in common
It’s something we both must get along with
Before it will do us in
Goodbye, Carl
The best possible friend in the world
Tamer of chaos and yet so much part of what is called
Chaos
Goodnight
And may the worms have mercy on your corpse
K-K-KATE
Sweet dreams, Kate
Make sure the crocodiles won’t put their dagger-shaped teeth in that well-formed rear of yours
What would the vicar think
When he notices these ghastly wounds on your bottom
As soon as he checks upon them?
I’m sure he would be angry
I’m sure he would not like the sight of it
But there wouldn’t be anything left for him to do
Except to accept the bloody fact that stares him right in the eye
He could moan about it
Moan like he’s never moaned before
But, hell, what’s the use?
Would you have moaned the moment the reptile took a bite?
I bet you wouldn’t
Or perhaps, in your sleep
Because it would only be a dream
Still, be careful
Crocodiles do like to bite young women’s backsides
Especially when they’re topped with marmalade
Do you like to spread marmalade on some parts of your body, Kate?
I would strongly advise against such a foolish game, my love
It would only attract these foul and, in my opinion, dangerous creatures
And, according to an old Chinese saying, the deliberate luring of crocodiles with marmalade can cause severe damage on your arse, be it smooth or rough
That is just the way things go in dream worlds
Things tend to get out of control
But don’t you worry about that, my love
Any minute now, your eyes will close and your mind will wander away
Away from a way too harsh reality
Into a world of oblivion and redemption
Where chaos is nowhere to be found and yet so present and threatening as an ichneumon wasp
But what the hell
Let it go
Sometimes you just have to let things go
And they will grow back on
As if…
Kate, I am raving like a madman
Please someone stop this incessant shower of painstakingly eloquent words
Each one of them as a holy message of truth, and yet so full of nonsense
But what can I do?
After two tangerines and a bit of milk, I tend to start…
But let us not pry too much into my private affairs
The thing is that you will sleep soundly and I will have done a good job
Kate, Kate, Kate, must I end my veracious, and, quite frankly, voracious sermon like this??
The years seem to be proceeding at a much brisker pace
And all of a sudden I realize that soon I will have to go to sleep as well
Not because I am tired
How much more tired can you get when you are weary of life and death?
The undesirability of converting fragments to a more unified body of measurement will soon to be taken as a sign of how juxtaposed fortuities are to be broken down and dissolved so that the bulk of materialized suspicion would be the catalyst of a whole new generation of freemasons
The mere thought of this both terrible and sublime process is what drives me insane, my darling
Therefore, goodnight, dear Kate
It is, after all, rather late
SHOULDN’T THIS BE SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT?
As I’m driving on the highway
I notice that something is not right
There are too many colours
And too many lights
I dive into the tarmac
I take a swim in the concrete
I wonder as I wander
I meet a lot of meat
What has happened to the world today?
I don’t recognize a thing
Trees didn’t use to grow so tall
Queens didn’t use to be king
So I tried to walk away from it all
Took a shit on the hard shoulder
Fled away into the reddish mountains
And took an awful lot of drugs
INVISIBLE LIKE FUCK
And what could incest possibly mean
When its raw result is fuelled with love and caring
The odd man out is rooted out
And while it hurts you every minute
It can’t help you stop thinking that finally
It’s the two of you
It has always been the two of you
And now nobody will stand in your way
This loss has turned her into a wreck
The mascara of death
She as the female version of you
Yet still you lay her to rest
And eat her forbidden fruit
NEVER SURVIVE
How can you expect the air to smell nice when the world is full of shit
How can you expect a person to be good when mankind is evil
How can you have faith in a religion designed to kill
How can you hope for a better future with such a paralyzing past
How can you survive
foto: Gert Vanlerberghe
foto: Sarah Wagemans
foto: Sarah Wagemans
foto: Sarah Wagemans
foto: Sarah Wagemans
